X Steps Away From You
by Eruhel
Summary: Elena Rehn's fifteen and she hasn't found love yet. Now as her family goes on a holiday and she meets her favorite cousin, Kevin, alias Yohio, she may find it - closer to her than she has ever thought. But what if the boy tries to escape from his own feelings? Elena might tell him: How many steps do I have to take to reach You? Running doesn't help us at all.
1. Step One - House Of Shrieking

_Two faceless blonde children are playing in the sand. The girl is about three and the boy is about five years old. She tries to make a sandcastle but she fails - he helps her and the castle looks better than the Disney's itself. Then I can see a new scene: he walks her to school on her very first school-day and when they get to the class she doesn't want to release his hand. New picture: they're teenagers (the boy is about fifteen so the girl must be thirteen) kissing in the toilet of the school._

This dream returns to me from time to time. I have no clue about what it means, who are in it or why the Hell is it keeps returning to me. I have never seen it longer than their kiss because every time when I could see their lips touching each other I felt pleasant disgust and woke up sweating and panting - but grinning as well. Somehow I felt their relationship just wasn't right but also enjoyed they broke rules. I was wondering what would happen later. Once I've read that our mind can't represent things that hadn't happened to us - that's why we can't die in our dreams and wake up before we crash the ground instead - so may I wake up because the thing that will happen in my dream haven't happened to me? What would be that? I am really curious. What the Hell does someone want to show me that I haven't seen before?

I am wondering in my bed awake. Normally I would type my dream in my phone quickly as not to forget it but as it's a recurring one I don't have to note it I can remember clearly even without that.

I get up and go to the kitchen of the giant cottage my family has in the mountains. We haven't been here together for years; even my aunt, Vicky came back from Great Britain for a week with her husband and children as to be able to spend time with us.

I open the fridge and take a bottle of milk out. I want to drink some hot cocoa; that always makes me calm and let fall asleep. It's an old habit of mine from my childhood and I think believing in it works more than the milk and cocoa itself.

- It's ten to two - I mumble as I look at the clock on the fridge while putting the bottle back.

- It's late, why don't you sleep? - someone asks from behind me and I nearly release the bottle in my hand. I can easily recognize his deep, warm voice at any time.

- Grandpa, what are you doing here? - I turn after closing the fridge's door.

- I'm an old man, I'm allowed to do anything I want; but Lena, you're a 15-year-old girl and you can't sleep at nights? - he asks and caresses my head. - Are you fine?

- Of course I am I just woke up and wanted to drink some cocoa - I say and begin making my drink. My grandfather drinks a glass of water meanwhile and goes to sleep.

- Why this dream again? - I ask from myself and after drinking the heavenly, brown liquid that's one step thicker than the others like it I go back to the room I share with Saga. She's my cousin and as we're the only girl grandchildren in the family yet who are big enough as not to spend the night with their parents I got a joint room with her. Lucky Kevin can be alone. I'm pretty jealous of him 'cause I am used to having an own room and now I have to share it. Of course I love being with Saga and talking about girlish things for hours before falling asleep but sometimes we just fall out with each other - for example when it's about to have a shower first. But I just usually let her do what she wants because it's like having a little sister and I enjoy it. I have no siblings but my cousins (they are six from one side and two from the other) give me enough from it when we're together - as for example now.

She doesn't wake up when I open the door; she's a great sleeper, not as Kevin is. He sometimes can't sleep in the whole night and tries to compensate it with sleeping in the afternoon but this week I don't think he would be able to do this because such many children that are here will keep him awake or at the outside wake him up.

I have some willingness to visit him in his room and chat with him until dawn but I'm sure he sleeps like a log after his new tour. I don't know why he does this all the time; I have preferred him when he was just... my grand bro and we spent hours playing with each other.

I fall on the bed and can feel as my eyes get closed automatically. One minute later I sleep yet and I don't even wake up until next morning.

- Good morning - Saga grins into my face. - It's ten to eleven and everyone has already had breakfast. Fast, fast...

- Ah, good morning - I yawn by stretching. - What do you mean by everyone?

- Well... - she scrapes her nape. - Everyone except Kevin.

- Just as I've though - I get up and lumber out of the room, to Kevin's door. I lean against the wall there and try to knock and wake up my favorite brother.

- Good morning - my uncle, Tommy welcomes me as he realizes me. - You shouldn't deal with waking him up, it's hopeless - he says and hugs my shoulders. - Come, have a nice breakfa...

- Uhm, morning... - the door opens and we can see a sleepy Kevin in his glasses coming out.

- Hi - I jump on him and hug him immediately. - How did you think that you don't even welcome me and lock yourself into your room as soon as you get here?

- Hello - he hugs me back. - Sorry, I was tired.

- No, son, this week you will live as normal people do - Tommy says as he grasps his son's wrist and pulls him into the dining room's direction. I follow them. - You wake up in the morning and go to bed in the evening, not vice versa, got it?

- But dad... - he disagrees as his father makes him sit down.

- Respect your family and try to conform only for a week. No objections can be accepted. And now: eat - my uncle finishes and gives us some coffee. - Lena, you must be drowsy, here, it will help you to wake up - he smiles at me. - And you - he turns to Kevin. - I simply know you can't live without caffeine in the morning.

- Ah, no, I still spin all day, just mornings are a bit slow - I say and push the cup away from me.

- Then I'll have it - my fav cousin says and drinks it. - Here, you can eat them I'm not hungry at all...

- But you must eat something for breakfast - I say. - It has been a long we haven't eaten together...

- Because Michael had decided to move such far away from us - Tommy inserts.

- Didn't Vicky do the same? - I ask. We always have this debate when we're together. Why are you living there, don't you wanna move home, life would be easier if you lived closer to us... partly that's why we see them so rarely. Actually, we only meet when we have this holiday here or when they come to the place where we just live. Life isn't easy if your parents change countries you live in within every two years, is it?

- But she moved there because of her husband not because of a freak!

- Dad, why are you even here? Go, talk about this with Michael, I want to have my breakfast in peace and silence - Kevin says deadly seriously and his father decides to withdraw. - I'm sorry - he says as the door gets closed. - You know he just misses you.

- I know - I take a big bite of my food. - But all three of us enjoy travelling around the world so...

- Don't you miss people you always leave behind yourself? You know, friends, boyfriend... - he asks. It feels interesting that he thinks of it in this way.

- I have never thought of it like this - I look up at him. - Every new country means new experience and challenges for me. I can learn new languages and meet new people, and if I make friends we can still keep in touch via internet.

- But you know it's not the same as sitting in front of each other - he says and puts the cup down from his hands. - I enjoy talking to you in live more than skypeing, don't you agree?

- Yes, I do - I smile and finish my bread. - Ah, luckily there's one more - I say and make a newer sandwich.

- How many have you eaten, girl? - Kevin laughs.

- Only two, but don't laugh, a growing system needs a lots of energy! - I threaten him with my finger.

- Have you found anyone who could pronounce your name well, anyways? - he lies on the table.

- Yes, I have already been to Slavic countries, if this was your question - I smile.

- I know, for example eight years ago in Russia, I can remember but it wasn't my question - he says.

- No, actually everyone calls me Elena so I usually just ask them to name me Lena instead.

- But saying Yelena isn't that difficult, is it? - he asks again wondering.

- No it isn't - I say a bit grumpily and finish my breakfast. - Now, let's go and see what has changed around here, okay?

- Sure - he grins and we go to explore the environment of the cottage.

We only get home by two o'clock - my stomach has directed me home. If I relied on Kevin we still would go round and round in the forest. Poor him couldn't get home easily.

At home we have a nice lunch - Kevin doesn't want to eat much but soon he accepts food - and then as the rain falls down for some hours we decide to play some Jenga in the living room together with the family.

The dinner is like the lunch - big and loud so Kevin and I decide to eat later than the others instead. Both of us are sick and tired of the things that are told for Dad. They're freelancer photographers so what? Musicians should understand other artists.

After we've finished his mother joins us. I get on well with her although we only meet once in a year, only for a week. We're chatting and having funtime in three when suddenly she looks seriously in Kevin's eyes.

- Bring home at least as lovely girl as Lena is, 'kay? - she tells him.

He doesn't react anything to his mother's sentence just smirks. He may think _Me? Her? It would be like if I sought Lena in the big She!_

- Ah, you shouldn't tell such things - I smirk embarrassed and laugh.

- And Lena, don't you dare coming with a man less charming than my little darling, right? - she laughs shortly.

- Mom, don't call me like this I'm over seventeen... - Kevin disagrees and we all three burst out in laughter.

- Children, I have imagined you two at the altar - she stops for a second. - If you weren't cousins I didn't let you choose anyone else than the other but like this - she shrugs her shoulder and goes out of the room.

We look at each other with Kevin and both chuckle. Ah, she have always been like this, when we were young and lived in Sweden - I was seven and he was ten - she told everyone I was his girlfriend when we went somewhere together.

Two hours later we run out of ideas and start feeling drowsy so we decide to have a sleep. I go back to our room with Saga, the current babysitter and tell her I'm going to have a shower.

- I wouldn't even try to - she says as I open the door. I've had better keep it closed. I find the remains of the tornado my cousins have made inside. Water, mud, lipstick and other make-up-stuff covers everything. It's my make-up. It' my make-up that resists water.

- Hh - I exhale and count ten before I start talking to her. - You will be the one who cleans it all up - I say finally and get my stuff with me. I have planned to visit Kevin and ask for his help.

- Hey - I knock on his door. As I can hear no answer I go in and knock on the door of the bathroom as well. - Hey, it's me.

- Hi, say it - he says from inside and I open the door. I shouldn't have done. All I can see when I look at him is... a man in an only cock.

- I'm sorry - I say and try to go out but I fail. My legs don't want to obey and so I stand there totally frozen gazing him.

- GET THE HELL OUT FROM HERE! - he yells at me as he covers his hip with a towel fast. I feel as embarrassed as I have never before. Then suddenly a sentence of mine gets into my mind that I've said to a friend in Athens only a year ago.

_I can make anyone fall for me within one week._


	2. Step Two - The Forbidden Forest

I can't think. I am not able to. What the fuck have just happened?! Why me? And especially why with him? I squat in the darkest corner I have been able to find so far and try to figure out: What's next? Shall I just act as if nothing has happened? Or would it annoy him even more? Ignoring this whole shit would be the best idea but I'm not sure I could manage on for long. I curl up and a teardrop leaves my felt eye. The rest follows it soon.

_And why that sentence?_ It was a bet I finally lost because the boy she had chosen in the club was in a holiday there and that was his last night in Athens.

I want to call her and tell her about it but there's no internet there, and phoning itself is a real trick, because once we can do it the whole thing lasts only for some seconds just as to be able to show that we're still alive. Grandpa says he likes it because like this we're torn out from alternative reality and only for a week we spend time on each other and on relearning how to communicate face to face with people. But now it would help a lot. I could tell someone that I made a fault and ask for help.

I don't know how long I have been crying but it takes me ten minutes to calm down and don't cry more. Then I just sit there and try to get enough confidence to go back to Saga.

_But she may realize I'm not feeling well_ - it runs through my head and I decide to stay there until my eyes are not twice as big from crying as they have to. It's ten more minutes again. Then when I finally dare to get up I can feel a hand on my shoulder. I know this hand although I haven't had many opportunities to get to known.

- Are you fine? - Kevin asks finally.

- Uhm - I nod and sweep his arm away from me while standing up. I look at him for some seconds and as he tells me nothing else I decide to leave the room.

- I'm sorry - he says as I want to close the door. He comes closer to me and repeats it. - I'm really sorry about shouting.

- Never mind - I turn to him and force a smile on my face. - It was my fault.

- No, mine that I didn't think before I said that.

- Please, fall out on deciding it - I smile honestly and hit his head's back softly.

- So... why did you come anyways? - he asks curiously. - Did you want to hold our traditional talkaholic-night this soon?

Ah, the Night. Every time we come here and spend a week holiday here we spend a night together chatting about everything, our life and how the week was. It's our secret that no one knows about, that is an eight-years-old habit and that must be held every year. We began it after we moved away from Sweden. We got used to one other and missed each other so much that we wanted to have a night that was only ours, on which we could chat as much as before.

- No, it's not the case - I say and inform him about the catastrophic state of our bathroom.

- That's why I don't let them come to my room - he grins as we walk back there.

- You know I can't do it as I have to share it with the family's babysitter...

- That sucks - he grins even wider. - You can always come to mine, but next time ask for my permission about coming in, okay? - he asks and boxes into my shoulder.

- Okay, okay but on this next time don't punch me.

We laugh and I finally can have a good shower. Then I roll a towel around my body and begin to look for my clothes - that have gotten lost.

- Kevin - I push my head out of the door. Embarrassment level: Elena Rehn acting as a fool.

- Uhm? - he looks at me uninterestedly. Then he seems to understand the situation I am in because he stares at me with widened eyes. - Lord, what are you doing?

- It seems that I have left my clothes in my room... - I say totally blushed. - Could you go and ask Saga to take them here?

- Of course - he says frozen and leaves the room.

- It wouldn't have been you - my roommate storms into the bathroom with a pair of panties and PJs. - Here, get dressed and come have a sleep.

- Thanks, I'll be there soon - I smile and she leaves. _What would I do without you?_

When I finally go to our room it's ten past eleven. Saga tries to sleep in her bed but I know she cannot do until I'm not there. Even at home she sleeps with her four-year-old sister. She simply can't fall asleep when no one's with her.

- What lasted this long? - she asks when I close the door. - You went for having a bath an hour ago. So?

- Well, I nowadays have looong baths - I reply. I actually don't lie because I enjoy sitting in a tub full of hot water and wait until it cools down. I simply don't mention that now I've only had a short shower because I had caused a disaster... again.

- Got it - she says and after she turns to her right side she falls asleep immediately. I follow her example and after ten minutes I sleep like a log. It has been a long day and I need some rest before the next one starts.

It's six in the morning when I get up. I couldn't sleep well because several assorted nightmares visited me during the night and I slept less than I lay in my bed thinking. Then at six I get fed up with it and decide to have a walk because even the hot cocoa hasn't helped me. There is a tree near a clearing that I always have loved to climb on so I aim it. No one has ever known I sometimes go there and watch nature, animals run through the forest, birds do sing and the sun as it slides through the sky. It's my secret even Kevin doesn't know about.

- I hope there are no dangerous animals in this forest - I mumble and begin to scan my environment. The tree has literally grown since last year and there's a new nest near my seat. But the grass is as small as always so animals still visit this place as to eat. Great. Then I'll be able to peep them. I have my camera with me so I can make photographs of them.

After ten minutes I can see some butterflies flying through the air but nothing interesting. They don't want to come closer to me than a meter - and I can be happy that they come this close because normally those who live in a place where there are no people are shyer. As I already have enough pictures of flying beings I don't pay real attention on them but wait to see some rabbits, deer and foxes. That would be real curiosity.

After I get fed up with waiting for bigger animals I decide to seek some flowers and make a flower-crown for myself before going home. As it is ten in the morning yet I don't think anyone would seriously miss me.

- _... Are you ready to go, Dear? Morning comes fast, can't you feel? Or shall we plant two willow trees? One for you and one for me?_ - I sing my favorite ballad I learned in Ireland when I was ten. It's about two lovers, Moira and Gallo who have to separate but they promise each other that when they think of the other they will only remember to nice memories. In these four lines they wonder what they gave to the world and they want to make something constructing and beautiful but sad before losing the other one for forever. Later it turns out that Moira became pregnant under the trees and so she's disowned and has to bear her only daughter alone in a cave. She names her Willow and always sings the chorus of the ballad at her child's crib until she gets totally insane three years later and kills herself. Soon a hunter finds the baby and takes it home. It's Gallo who got married meanwhile but he doesn't know she's his daughter but he also names her Willow because of his nice memories with Moira under a willow tree. The ending is that moment when Gallo hears the baby crooning this tune and as it makes him remember Moira he also loses his mind, commits suicide and Willow stays with her stepmother.

I don't know why but I like this song. It tells about eternal love for me. Everyone saw only insanity in this but not me; I always realized what was deeper, that they loved each other so much that when something reminded them to each other they couldn't stand the want of the other and they threw life away from themselves instead. Anyhow, I find it beautiful and romantic; I have always been a bit morbid.

When I finish my flower-crown I can feel being hungry so I decide to go home. _Of course, but where's home?_ As I've been singing and crooning and searching for nice flowers I've lost my way and now I don't know where I am at all or what direction I shall go. I know where the north or the south is, the moss on the trees and the position of the sun tells me but I don't know which direction I came from.

- Okay, keep cool, girl - I sit down and try to calm down as well. - The sun was shining right in your face when you left so as you came east from the house you have to go west back.

Without being totally sure about it I conclude where west is and I leave my position. As I can remember it takes only half an hour walking to get to my favorite tree but I've been wandering for a whole hour in the forest and I still haven't seen anything familiar instead of some bunnies that I finally can photograph. My stomach rumbles and I feel thirsty.

_Why didn't I pack some more water?_ - I ask from myself as I think of my empty bottle and try to continue my way when I suddenly realize the sound of a small waterfall. I begin to run and soon I reach a small stream and after I follow it for some minutes I can find its spring that is clean and stone-cold. I drink as much as I can, fill in my bottle and after making some beautiful pictures I start my way back to our house.

Two hours later I can hear some steps that aren't mine but as I'm still not at home and nothing seems familiar I get frightened. The owner of the steps must be at least 40 but maximum 60 kilograms (I know it's still a wide scale but I can't say it more exactly) and a hungry wolf that weighs 40 kilograms is strong enough to catch and kill me so I decide to be careful and climb on a tree. To be honest it's not the easiest trick I have ever done in my life but after I'm up there I can see more clearly that the being that have crept near me is...

- Kevin! - I shout and jump down to the ground.

- Lena, what are you doing here? - he asks when he realizes it's me and hugs me. - I couldn't find you anywhere so I came to the forest that I knew you liked but I've never been this far before and it seems I got lost.

- Great - I say and congratulating cynically I shake hands with him.

- So either you don't know where we have to go right? - he asks back hopelessly.

- Exactly - I reply. - But I have some water.

- Where did you find it? - he asks curiously.

- There's a spring nearby, why? - I ask back.

- We get water from somewhere, ain't we? We may drink and shower in that stream what you have just found - he explains.

- There are many streams here in the mountains but you know - I shrug my shoulders and I show him where the water is. We drink some more and begin to follow it although it goes totally backwards from where I came but never mind. Women should never tell men they are wrong but they should make them think what the woman wants is exactly the same that the man wants. The only fruit of following the stream is that we find some berries we can eat and so I don't starve anymore. I know Kevin isn't hungry at all, he never is but as I ask him he eats something as not to lose his consciousness.

Soon he realizes that following the stream will never take us home and so we meander in the forest all day. It's twilight so about ten o'clock when we finally stop. It's full moon and I can hear some quiet yelps.

- Can you hear them? - I ask Kevin and grasp his arm.

- Yes and I'm not sure whether they are dogs or wolfs - he touches my hand.

- What should we do? The phone is deaf and we don't know where to go.

- You said you've been a girl scout in the USA so I hope you know how to make fire.

- So you want to spend the night out here? - I look up at him.

- I have no better idea do you? - he asks back and we leave to get some wood. With my flint and my knife that I always carry with myself (just in case) I can make fire easily on a clearing but I'm not sure it will last long without bigger pieces of wood. Luckily the storm that was yesterday lay some trees to the ground or broke their bigger branches down so we finally can find fuel.

- You're awesome - Kevin tells me and yawning he lies down on the ground.

- Thanks, but also you were good - I stretch and lie near him. I hover between awake and asleep yet and I rarely know about anything when I can hear his voice again:

- No, I won't sleep with you! - he yells at me as he draws himself apart from me. I feel cold without his arms embracing my body.

_The forbidden fruit is the sweetest one._


	3. Step Three - Other Scary Stuff

Waking up I lie in his arms and when I look at ourselves I realize we both have all the four of our limbs with all the fingers and toes. It makes me feel much more peaceful.

- Mmh... - I can hear Kevin murmuring from near me.

- Good morning - I look at him and as he moves his head in the sound's direction yet with closed eyes I can feel that my heart beats faster than usually. I draw myself backwards.

- Goo... WHAT THE FUCK? - he screams and releases me. - What have we been doing?!

- Keep calm we just slept and... - I begin but he interrupts me.

- How could I keep calm? - he asks hysterically. - I slept with a woman!

- Great that you think I'm a woman but now surmount all these and try to get home - I say unemotionally and get up leaving my frozen cousin on the ground. - Would you come, please? - I look down at him and as I can see his state I decide to look for something edible alone.

While I walk in the forest I feel like I have already been there. The trails and the trees seem pretty familiar and after following one trail for some minutes I sight our cottage. Happily I run back to the place where I have left Kevin but when I get there - he's nowhere.

- Hey, bro! - I yell and only hope he will hear it. - I have some good news!

- Hello - he comes from behind a bush. - Sorry, my bladder wanted to tear. So?

- You can't imagine what I have found! - I jump in his neck and hug him.

- Er... - for a short moment I can see his pervert face. - Winnie the Pooh and Piglet in an unmistakable situation? - he asks finally.

- No, you stupid! - I hit his head softly. - Come if you're interested in - I say and leave with my stuff with me. He follows.

- But what is that? - he asks curiously. - Mating bears?

- In that case I wouldn't be alive yet - I say and stop a second later. - Look.

- Wow - he stares with mouth open. - You've found home.

- Yes I have - I say proudly.

- It took just ten minutes walking and we spent the whole night outside! - he say angrily and goes in. Well, this isn't the reaction I have expected.

Going in a real crowd was welcoming us including Grandpa, Grandma, Mom, Dad, my uncle and his wife - all of them with relieved and angry face at the same time.

- Children, what the heck were you doing? We were searching you all night! - Tommy says.

- I don't think so - Kevin talks back. - We were near here.

- And what were you doing? - my uncle asks without noticing his son's way of talking.

- We... - he begins but I interrupt him.

- It was my fault. I got lost in the forest and he just wanted to find me and take me home.

- Yeah, and later we got even more lost together so let me bear the brunt of it - he turns to me acting gallantly.

- Children, children, the most important for us is that you're here - Dad says so.

- But they weren't here for a long time and... - Tommy disagrees.

- Bro, I told you we don't have to fear them because they can take care of themselves. Now they're here regretting what they've done; couldn't we just turn a blind eye on it?

- No, they have to learn that their actions cause consequences - Tommy states and so we get to know our punishment: we must clean up every day, and as Saga hasn't even begun our bathroom we can begin there. Great...

- Hey, Kevin, are you coming? - I ask after the elder generations leave.

- Why should I go? - he asks pompously and leaves into the other direction. - You said it was all your fault.

- But you wanted to bear the brunt of it so shut up and take a cloth instead - I state and go to our bathroom. It still looks horrendously but I know that the sooner we begin the sooner we finish.

Some seconds later Kevin steps in and we can begin cleaning up. First we clean the bathtub with a lot of water and even more scrubbing then we - I mean I, he just tells me what to do - put all smaller things that need cleaning into the tub and...

- Man, I'm happy that you take care of not leaving anything out but if you helped with the manual work...

- First say thanks - he says.

- Why should I? - I talk back and sit down on an only clean spot, a bucket.

- I didn't mention it was your fault that we didn't get here yesterday although we were just ten minutes far but tried to save you from the punishment - he says and I had to agree with him.

- Okay, thank you, now we have to work together and I'm not alone - I say and so he smiles.

- I'll deal with these small stuff and you with the big surfaces, okay? - he asks and we start to work. I partly feel envy but knowing myself and my imprecision I think it's better that he cleans such small things as my make-up and mirrors - that I would surely break.

- Damn it - I can hear some minutes later.

- What happened? - I turn into the voice's direction immediately.

- Nothing I just owe you a...

- MY NAILPOLISH! - I yell. - You broke it! It was a limited edition and now it's gone!

- Did you like it that much? - he looks at me with wet puppy eyes.

- No, actually I hated its goose-shit-green color and also a boy that I finally turned down gave me - I confess and look around. - One wall is ready - I acknowledge satisfied.

- Three more and the floor are waiting for you - he says.

- Oh, no, no, no - I disagree. - The floor is yours as you finish earlier with your job.

- Let it be children's day - Kevin murmurs and after I get ready with all the four walls (he helps me as soon as he finishes with his things) we begin to wash the floor up.

- So what was that _I slept with a woman_-stuff? - I jog his hip with mine.

- Er... - he says and as I look at him he turns his head from me but I still can see he blushes.

- Okay, okay, I understand that because of your lifestyle you're still virgin but this isn't such big thing to worry about - I try to calm him down.

- Don't you tell me you aren't! - he says and I freeze. Blushing I bow my head down.

- I... - I begin but I get floored as he makes me stop.

- Don't you tell me you gave your biggest treasure to someone who you hadn't known for at least two years! - he releases the mopping broom (broom with a wet cloth) and grasps my waist. - You know you move in every second year and even so...

- No, you misunderstood me! - I say when I can feel his body close to mine. - I haven't been even this close to any men ever and because of this the other girls thought I was a little girl. Can you imagine life without friends? - I ask him finally.

- I have always been there for you, why didn't you call me when you felt alone?!

- I didn't want to bother you with my minor problems...

- Minor problems? - he asks again a bit hysterically._ Is_ _it his habit this year or what?_ - Could you tell me any places you felt you wanted to stay more?

- Athens - I say without thinking. There I had Philippa with me and I wasn't feeling alone. As now we are living in Warsaw I am far away from her.

- Ah - he says sadly and turns back to cleaning. - I was hoping you would say Sundsvall.

- I... - I begin but again he doesn't let me finish my sentence.

- Let's just forget about it - he says and in some minutes we finish with work.

- Finally, some quiet and peace - I say as I sit down in the living room. Kevin falls near me.

- I feel like I have never been this tired before - he says.

- I agree - I yawn and bow my head on his shoulder.

- Hey, what... - he begins but then as I can feel he feels too tired to argue.

- Just let me rest here for some minutes, please - I ask him and instead of answering he bows his head on mine. I think I can get it as _yes_.

- Shh, don't bother them! - I can hear Saga's voice whispering these words. It's nearly dark outside when I open my eyes drowsily.

- Uhm, what's that? - I mumble and when I want to move my head I'm not able to. - Hey, Kevin... - I touch his thigh as to wake him up.

- What's that? - he asks as he raises his head and tightens my hand. - Oh, is it you?

- Er... hello - Saga waves in front of our faces.

- Oh, hi - I smile and try to raise my head. - SHIT, MY NECK GOT CRAMP! - I grab at it.

- I'll massage it if you wish to - Kevin says immediately.

- Later... - I tell him and look at Saga. - What are you doing here?

- I just wanted to tell you that as you were cleaning up our bathroom we played in Kevin's and now...

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I hope you're just kidding - Kevin says as soon as he can hear it.

- Of course, but food is ready - she grins and leaves with the four children with her.

- We shall go - I say and try to get up.

- Just stay there - he says and after he goes behind me he begins to massage my neck.

- AUCH! - I shriek as soon as he pushes it.

- Am I so bad at it? - he asks.

- No, just do it - I say. - You do it well when it aches a bit, I'm just sensitive.

- Okay - he replies and continues tormenting me.

When I feel I can finally move my head we go and eat something. During the dinner Saga shows us how cute we have been while we slept. Yeah, cute, that's it...

- Dad, something is weird with them - she tells Chris. - Why have they just blushed?

- Darling, they're older than you and are in an age when it's uncomfortable for them to joke about them being a pair; and although nearly ten years ago your aunt...

- That isn't me - Vicky who sits near us joins our conversation for a moment.

- ... told everyone they were a pair now they both have to find their pair so it's not funny anymore. Some more years and you'll understand better - Chris finishes.

After eating the dinner still drowsily we go into our rooms - Kevin informs me through the door that his bathroom is tidy while I have my shower after my roommate - and I fall asleep as soon as I fall into the bed.

_Two faceless blonde children are playing in the sand. Then I can see a new scene: he walks her to school on her very first school-day. New picture: they're teenagers kissing in the toilet of the school. But now not only their lips meet as usually: now the boy pushes the girl's body against the wall and they try to cover as big surface of the other's body with their own as they can. Then for a short moment I can _really_ feel someone giving a soft kiss onto _my_ lips._

When I open my eyes I'm alone in the room; literally there's no one inside except me.

- Another day to survive - I say my accustomed day-starter sentence and stretch. Then I realize we have to clean up today as well and we have not much free time.

I get up and go into the kitchen to have something to eat it doesn't matter if we've had dinner yesterday or not, I always feel hungry when I get up in the morning.

While eating I can find a small piece of paper with this message: "_Please, go out into the garden and deal with the flowers, it's also something we have to do but it's too dirty for me. Thanks! Best cousin ever ^.^"_

- Haha, best cousin, eh? - I smile and finish my bread; then go out and look for wellingtons and gardening gloves then begin to work. First I have to cut the grass then, as luckily it rained a lot two days ago I can skip watering the flowers and I can weed them.

Two hours later - my watch says it's about lunchtime - I finish only with the grass and my stomach advices me to go in and steal some from the lunch - even if it's not ready. I didn't eat much for breakfast because I wanted to start work as soon as possible.

Stepping in I sight the scariest thing in my life - a VK-star in apron, his hair in updo - washing up the floor.

- Hey, I've just cleaned up there, don't you dare to take any more steps in those muddy wellingtons! - he yells at me as he stands up and throws the sponge from his hand to the ground. I feel shame first but then I hardly can stand not to burst out in laughter so I cover my mouth with my hand instead.

_Sometimes it's more rewarding to just shut up._


	4. Step Four - Frightening Honesty

- What did you find so funny? - he yells again.

- Nothing, nothing, I'm taking these off - I chuckle and go out to do so.

Meanwhile he comes to the door and begins cleaning the stain up.

- So what was so funny? - he asks as I step in again.

- You're so fucking sexy - I laugh as I look at him again; yet I can't stand keeping it in.

- Do you think so? - he grabs at my arm and pulls my body down. - Then help me.

- No, I haven't finished outside and just came because I was feeling...

- Children, lunch is ready, come if you wanna eat - Mom shouts.

- Because of this - I say and as Kevin releases me I run into the kitchen and kiss Mom's cheeks. - What did you make? - I ask her while hanging in her neck. - Or wait, let me guess. - I smell into the air and after two sniffs I know the answer. - Mexican chicken with avocado and died potato; the soup is made of tropical fruits.

- How clever daughter I have - she caresses my hair and smiles at me but I can see something weird in her eyes as I look at her.

- Mom, are you... - _fine?_ I want to ask but she stops me speaking.

- Come, help serving, they'll be here soon.

She's right, when I take the second dish all the seventeen of us are in the dining-room. Then Mom tells me to just sit down and eat with the others because she knows I need energy for the work I do in the garden.

Mexican and Asian foods are my favorite ones and as we were eating most Swedish and Italian food Mom was so cute that she made some.

- Is there anyone who likes this? - Saga asks by pointing at the avocado-sauce on her plate.

- Give me if you don't wanna eat - I tell her and she gazes at me eyes widened.

- Then would you please eat mine as well? - Kevin asks.

- What are you, people or aliens that you don't like this? - I murmur and accept it. They want some meat and potatoes in exchange but I explain them why they don't deserve it:

- Suck horses, more sauce means more of everything else so I won't give you anything - I stick my tongue out. Then something happens for everyone's amazement who sees; Kevin acts as if he wanted to bit my tongue.

- What's the problem? - he looks at us. - I was just joking - he says and steals some from my avocado-sauce.

- Hey, didn't you just say you didn't like it? - I yell at him.

- Yes but chicken is dry without it - he says with his mouth full of food.

- Then you can imagine why I love it so much - I grin and finish my meal. We chat for ten more minutes then I stand up and go back to the garden. The flowers have been waiting for me for long and I feel proud of creating something beautiful when I finish some hours later.

Knowing what would happen if I went in with my wellingtons I take them off instead before stepping in; then I begin looking for Kevin. I find him in Victoria's bathroom cleaning the toilet.

- You can't imagine how I enjoy this shit - he welcomes me.

- Literally - I chuckle and go closer. - What happened?

- It's totally clogged up - he says and sits down showing: he gives it up.

- Have you tried this? - I ask him with a pump in my hand.

- Where did you find that? - he asks eyes widened.

- Over there - I point at the spot where it has been before.

- Jeez - he murmurs and starts work again. Meanwhile I tidy up inside.

Five minutes later both of us finish with everything and so we can have some rest.

- What about watching a film? - my favorite cousin asks.

- What about watching anime? - I ask back and I can see satisfied grin on his face.

We can't decide between Sword Art Online and Vampire Knight; both has great atmosphere and awesome characters in it.

- Leafa falls for her own brother Kirito in SAO - I disagree.

- Later it turns out that they are just cousins _and_ also she doesn't know it's him but in VK Yuuki and Kaname are siblings and at the end they both chose to love each other - he says and I have to accept his choice.

- You're right, also I have mood for medieval stories - I say and we begin watching SAO from the sixteenth episode where Kirito begins playing Alfheim Online.

After four hours we finish and go for having dinner - there we don't really talk but after it we decide to hold the talkaholic-night. After Saga fall asleep we take some fruit-salad and water with us and begin talking about the week and our whole life.

- How did you find this week? - he asks first.

- Insane - I laugh. - First getting lost in the forest then cleaning the whole cottage up...

- And it hasn't ended yet - he joins.

- What about you? - I ask back.

- Hey, you haven't finished! - he disagrees immediately.

- Okay, okay - I smile. - This week is literally the most active ever when I don't just sit in the corner and photosyntethisate as a plant when you are caught by a thought and write your songs - I say finally.

- I didn't know you felt like this - he looks apologizing at me.

- Never mind, in these cases I always tried to make new photos so it wasn't as unbearable as it seemed - I gabble.

- It didn't seem unbearable for me I mean I didn't even realize you didn't feel well so...

- No problem, seeing you always made me feel better - I grin and show him like-signs.

- Okay, it's my turn - he says immediately and begins. - First you frightened me with your small play in the bathroom...

- Don't even mention I still feel ashamed - I blush.

- Ah, girl, it was just an accident...

- Two accidents - I say.

- Then _two accidents_ - he stresses it - you don't have to feel as it was your fault because it wasn't; it happened by chance; totally randomly.

- Okay, okay, don't talk about it but continue - I accelerate him.

- Getting lost in the forest was pretty dumb but knowing myself it was predictable. I was only amazed you didn't find home, Girl Scout.

- Without me you were still wandering there - I insert and we both burst out laughing.

- But actually I think cleaning up was a good fun.

- You were introduced to Mr. Sponge and Mrs. Bucket first in your life!

- Yeah, but Mr. Sponge Bob wasn't as talkative as he is was the cartoon - he winks.

- He was missing his friend Patrick Star - I reply.

- Kevin Star wasn't enough for him, he wanted Patrick? Shall I change my name?

- Stupid - I throw a pillow on him.

- Just honest - he grins.

- And now my favorite topic...

- No, again? - he asks smiling painfully.

- Tell me ten sentences about your love-life.

- Couldn't we just skip it? It hasn't changed since last year.

- No, I can't imagine you didn't see any girls in a 12 moths you could at least imagine by your side. Confess it: there's someone you like, right? - I bend closer to his face.

- To tell you the truth there is a girl but I can't see her regularly - he says.

- Tell me more about her - I ask him curiously. - You know I love love-stories.

- Okay, then... she's some years younger and five centimeters shorter than me, having such beautiful blue eyes that when I look at them I can see dolphins swimming in it, her long blonde hair makes me remember the wheat growing near Sundsvall; when sun plays with it it gets a pale golden tone and her skin is like white marble.

- She seems to be a typical northern stuff. When did you meet her?

- I have known her for ages but for a long time I didn't realize she was a woman I just treated her as a friend, as a really good friend - he says.

- It's just two sentences yet - I inform him.

- She can be adult but childish at the same time. She's basically cute but when she gets angry you'd better run. She likes nature and adores exotic food.

- One day you should introduce me to her, I think I would like her.

- You would absolutely like her - he grins. - She has no siblings or pets because of her parents' job but she has always liked to have a polecat.

- Polecats are cute - I say. - Three more sentences and I let you.

- She likes travelling and getting known foreign cultures. She plays no musical instrument but once she tried to learn how to play the violin. And last but not least I think she doesn't know anything about my feelings.

- Then why don't you tell her how you feel? - I ask surprised.

- I've already tried several times but I never could because I was afraid of failing or when once I felt strong enough and talked to her about my feelings she couldn't understand me.

- I really feel sorry for you - I say.

- Now it's your turn! - he digs me. - Ten sentences about your love-life.

- One: it doesn't exist - I count on my hand. _Two: I think I love you._ - Two: in Athens I nearly made a boyfriend for myself but poor guy was having just a holiday there and he left next day. Three: we only drank two beers when he told me so and so I decided to leave him alone and join my friend dancing. Four: since then I haven't met anyone I could like. Five: ending. That's all that has happened since last year.

- No one you like at the moment? - he looks at me curiously.

_You._

- No, no one - I reply.

- And what do you expect from your new school? - he changes topic.

- I don't know what to expect, Mom and Dad always tried to find the most reputational ones but they failed many times. Okay, I liked all of my old schools and they always gave me the most knowledge but in the last one I hated my class and also they hated me, I only had one friend and that was all. Now they say it will be better, Polish people are friendly.

- I hope they are because I don't want to go there and talk with them about you - he threatens the air playfully.

- You really don't have to do if I make no friends in the first some months - I say. - But I don't know what they will react when I try to speak in Russian with them.

- Being Slavic they will probably understand more of it than of Swedish.

- You may be right but I haven't done it before, you know, I was born in Saint Petersburg, then when I was two years old we moved to Morocco, then to Ireland, then came back to Sweden for two years. Then Russia again, but now Moscow for a year, then Japan, then Greece and now Poland.

- What's next? - he asks calmly.

- Maybe Portugal - I reply. - Big European countries such as the UK, France, Spain, Italy or Germany are already ticked on my parent's list.

- And where would you like to go? - he turns my face onto him.

- I'd like to visit Iceland one day - I say naively.

- You'd really leave me? - he asks and I can see a small teardrop in his right eye.

- I didn't mean it; I mean yeah, I'd... ah, there's no way I could win.

- Then be honest - he advises.

- There's nothing that would make me stay as we can communicate via internet as well and I want to travel around the world.

- So you'd leave me without regrets.

- Of course I would miss you bro - I hug him and maybe, I stress, _maybe_ this hug feels as if I loved him but there's no more exact way I could express it.

- No, please, don't do this to me - he yells at me as I release him. I feel so dismissed as I've never before; it was just a friendly hug or whatever it was.

_You can't always get what you want - in these cases you usually try harder._


	5. Step Five - Heretical Confession

- I just hugged you, man, don't get huffy fort this - I say when I can talk again. His sentence really shocked me. _Did he really turn my hug down?_

- I don't care whether you hug me or not but next time don't sit in my laps - he advise.

- Did I really do so? - I wonder. - Shit, I'm sorry - I look at him apologizing.

- Never mind both of us must be tired - he replies. - But how can that be it's just half past one yet!

- Then... what would you like to know about?

- Tell me about Philippa and things you did together - he asks.

- Well, she was the girl I sat next to in the class. She had always been friendly with me, she immediately smiled when she looked at me first but as she didn't speak English well it took us half a year to be able to communicate in Greek. She was enchanted about my parent's job and also she decided to be a photographer. She taught me ride a horse and we always did stupid things together.

- For example? - He's curious.

- Walking in cosplay in the middle of the ancient Athens, telling everyone it was our job, and if they come next day they can even make photos with us, then next day going back dressed cats; asking policemen where we lived - we had to run fast after it; asking people about their signs in playschool... And once we joined flashmobbing.

- You must have had a great life there - he comments.

- Yeah it wasn't bad but a bit too hot for me - I confess. - And is there anything interesting you did last year?

- As you can see my hair has grown - he smiles at me and touches his long blonde hair.

- By the way, how can you manage on sleeping so few and being active even so? - I change the topic.

- You must be get used to - he says.

- I think you're a bit workaholic; I mean you go on a holiday and still you work, write your songs and so one.

- Writing songs and making music is fun - he replies. - The only part I don't enjoy is recording. Then you have to do everything perfectly, wait for checking, do everything again and again and again if you've made a mistake. I enjoy rehearsals, concert and everything but I usually feel recording is just a waste of time.

- You're workaholic - I summarize grinning.

- I am not workaholic - he disagrees immediately.

- Did you spend enough time with Tommy when you were small or did you want more?

- What the fuck?

- Did you? Because I think that...

- Yeah, yeah, you're right, I wanted a bit more of him but he was always working. Are you happy now? - he looks at my eyes seriously.

- ...I think that you work so much because you've seen this at home and you think that he will pay more attention on you if he can see you work hard.

- I do not...!

- At the back of your mind you think these you just never confess to yourself. Well, I don't want you to tell me everything, I just want to be truly happy - I smile.

- Then why don't you accept when I say I'm not? Huh?

- I didn't say anything, and even that was quiet - I raise my palms.

-You imp - he says and tickles me.

- No-ho - I disagree laughing.

- But yes, you deserve it - he laughs with me as I try to escape from his fatal fingers.

- I deserve nothing like this - I cough.

- Hey, are you okay? - he looks at me apprehensively.

- Yes, I am I just can't stand tickling - I say and two seconds later I also realize the situation we are in: as basically we sit on his bed every time we are chatting he have been tickling me there and now I am lying under him. _What if I..._

- I'm sorry - he apologizes and goes further from me.

- Never mind - I say and sit closer to him.

- Just forget about it, please.

- I will have amnesia if I have to forget this many things - I wink.

- Then you should note everything before losing your memory.

- As in Fifty First Date? - I ask.

- N... not really, I don't want to date you as it happened in the film - he disagrees immediately.

- Yeah, that would look pretty weird... - I agree.

_But I love weirdness..._

- Talking about films: did you see any good ones last year? - he asks as to break the ice.

- Yes, I could finally get myself watch Lord Of The Rings.

- Only now? - he asks surprised.

- Three years ago I read the books but I wasn't daring watch the film because I was afraid of getting disappointed.

- And did you?

- There were some parts that were definitely better in the books but it was predictable as books were nearly always better than the films made of them.

- Favorite scene?

- Drinking dual in Rohan - I laugh.

- Yes, that's awesome - he joins. - And did you watch the Hobbit as well?

- Of course I did so - I say.

- What did you like best about it?

- When Legolas asks Gloin whether his wife was his brother - I chuckle.

- Jeez, you remember the best moments - he grins.

- And do you know what I read as well?

- No but you will tell me I guess?

- Exactly - I laugh. - Hunger Games.

- All the three?

- What did you expect from such a bookworm girl?

- Nothing else - he smiles at me. - Which guy did you like better?

- Until the end of the third book I preferred Gale because Peeta didn't really do anything for Katniss just drifted with the stream while Gale fought his fight fort life every day but at the end they swapped roles and the passive hero began acting while the active character became less and less likeable.

- Even at the beginning I liked Peeta - he comments.

- He's a feminine character; Gale was at least masculine.

- In this trilogy men are feminine and women are more masculine so it was predictable that boyish Katniss will marry girlish Peeta.

- But I was always waiting for Gale to step on the scenes and captivate his Catnip and... Finally he gave up on her and let the least masculine men get her. I would even preferred Haymitch who was her male version but Peeta... he was so... to be honest he was characterless for me. His only good sentence was when he said he didn't want to be a figurehead in their game.

- Then what do you think his main characteristic was?

- He was... just "the guy who loved the heroine".

- You may be right - he says.

- Do you know what novel has elaborated characters?

- Er... Chronicles Of Narnia? - he asks.

- Yes, but I've read it a long time ago.

- Game Of Thrones? - he tried to guess again.

- I think of the Millennium Trilogy.

- Didn't you once say you hated crime?

- I did so but I think hard-boiled crime stories were made for me. While reading these books I don't feel like searching but living lives of people who are never bored.

- And Larsson's style is also phenomenal.

- He's simply lifelike and that's what I love about him. He dares to write about Nazism, male chauvinism, governmental problems and prostitution in a very natural but still dreadful way.

- Yeah, those days these were the biggest problems in Swedish society.

- They exist in every society and I must know it - I wink.

- And are there any good rock or metal bands you discovered? - he asks as not to speak about politics more. We both hate talking about it between us.

- Uhm, I was listening to my old but gold folk bands like Korpiklaani, Ensiferum and Eluveitie in most of the time.

- So nothing new for me - he says a bit disappointed.

- No, but maybe now - I smile. - And did you write any good songs while I was away?

- I'm sure you have already got my album Together We Stand Alone.

- Yes, yet in March.

- Nothing really new since then but I have just found out a good tune and want to write lyrics for it... could you please help?

- Ah, I'm an awful writer - I confess.

- Never mind I just want someone to hear it. The title is Morning Temptation - he says and begins to sing:

_The morning surprised me early / I couldn't stand being alone / Started my walk in a curvy, / Narrow path into the unknown. / Mother Gaia, take care of me / Be aware of my every step / Moon, Sun, all heavenly bodies / I need your guide, never forget! / Forest brother embraced me soon / I couldn't find way out of him / And my helpful sister the Moon / Made me meet Her, my biggest sin. / Mother Gaia, take care of me / Be aware of my every step / Moon, Sun, all heavenly bodies / I need your guide, never forget! / My big sin found me easily / Moon sent her from between the trees / She strongly wanted to tempt me / And it was so hard to resist. / Mother Gaia, take care of me / Be aware of my every step / Moon, Sun, all heavenly bodies / I need your guide, never forget! / I need your guide / What to do now? / I want her arms / And all her life / To be just mine. / My Temptation, take care of me / Be aware of my every step / My Temptation, please, don't leave me / I need your love, never forget!_

- What do you think? - he asks when he finishes.

- Well... - I can't really say anything because the song was obviously about our meeting in the forest. There's no doubt.

- Don't you like it? - he looks at me sadly.

- But I do - I say and without thinking twice I sit closer to him and get the first kiss of my life. After a while when our kisses become more and more passionate and we begin petting each other I can suddenly feel as if he has changed his mind; he tries to disagree and talk to me so I stop for a moment.

- Please, concern with my feelings as well! - he yells at me as I draw myself apart from him. I feel both ashamed and proud about what I've just done with his red, fleshy lips and I think I want more of it.

_Concerning with others feelings is hard to do when you deadly long for something._


	6. Step Six - Frantic Try

- Er... - I mumble as I look at him; my eyes are fulfilled with tears. - I think it's high time to go to sleep - I say finally and leave his room.

_What a feeling... what a heavenly feeling it was..._ - I think as I lie in my bed. I touch my lips and smile while wondering about what we've done some minutes earlier. Yet I've nearly fallen asleep when I suddenly open my eyes widely and get up. - _It just isn't right... He's my cousin, damn it! But also he enjoyed it... Ah, I don't know what to think!_

I fight with myself sitting on the window-still and watching the creatures of the night until I can see the break of dawn and begin to feel extremely tired. Of course I couldn't have made any decision so I decide to have a rest and let time work and heal instead.

I get up feeling totally free from every sorrow. Yet I know what I want and that I won't rest until I get it. Shiver, Kevin Rehn!

- Good morn... - I yawn as I stretch but when I open my eyes I can see no one far or near.

Also in the house I can find no one only a letter that they went hiking because _some people_ simply couldn't stay on their asses. In this case Kevin must have gone with them; he likes being near the nature. I feel a bit sorry about it but at least I can make a plan and...

- Morning... - I can see the mentioned one coming out of his room.

- DIDN'T YOU GO WITH THEM? - Sighting him I shriek as I come back from the world of my thoughts.

- Why, where have they gone? - he asks stretching.

- Oh, it makes no sense - I say when it reaches my mind that when we go hiking it usually means we go far from here and while coming back we visit a restaurant and also "get used to our _natural_ environment, the Great Concrete-Jungle" - just as Grandpa would say; and only reach home late in the evening.

- They went hiking, right? - he looks at me.

- Yes, they did so. They left us two alone here - I murmur for myself.

- Don't you think it's the part of our punishment for getting lost some days ago?

- I don't think so but I'm sure they will get mad if chaos welcomes them getting home.

- So we must tidy up after the anime-marathon and cooking, don't we?

- Yes but now watch something that includes less forbidden love, 'kay?

- Sure - he smiles and we give each other a high-five.

We go to the kitchen and after having something for breakfast as not to faint we begin making some Asian food. Somehow I don't ruin the rice - I'm an awful cook so it's a new phenomenon - and also frying meat and vegetables doesn't take as much effort as they always do. _Something's just weird about this day..._

- Would you please take two steps right? - I can hear a voice I don't really take care of from far and a minute later someone touches my hip and moves it right. - Thank you - I can hear the voice directly from near my left ear.

- Ah, sorry I was wondering - I turn to him.

- About what? - he bends closer to me while getting two plates out from the dresser.

- Nothing interesting - I say and feel like blushing.

- Then shall I show you what I think you were wondering about? - he asks and grabs at my waist. He pulls me closer to him and starts to kiss me everywhere: first my lips, then my earlobes and neck while he caresses my back under my clothes.

Later he makes me sit on the bar and we begin undressing each other; now as other parts of my body get reachable he begins introducing himself to them as well - caressing my legs he tenderly touches my shoulders with his lips and gets lower and lower with every simple kiss he gives to my body until he reaches my chest and decides to take his time there...

Meanwhile he holds me with his left hand while the right one doesn't stop caressing my inner-thigh - _Jesus, just a minute ago it was yet on my ankle!_ - and as it migrates upper and upper while I can feel him breathing hard I open my legs as to embrace him and I... wake up.

This morning brings me no relief at all. I still worry about meeting with him and looking into his eyes - and my fucked up porn-dream haven't helped me at all.

Sitting up rapidly I look around as to ensure myself that all this haven't just happened and when I can see I'm in our room and Saga's coming out of the bathroom I reach nirvana for a moment.

- Hello - she welcomes me. - Were Kevin here? It seemed as I heard his voice.

- Uhm, I don't know I have just woken up - I say and add silently - _But I hope he wasn't._

- And did you dream something interesting? - she sits down on my bed near me.

_If only you didn't ask about it..._

- Just that you all went hiking and left me here alone - I told her the half of the truth.

- Hiking? What hiking? - she laughed. - You're the only one who could appreciate that!

- Yes, but at the end it turned out that you just wanted to get used to "our _natural_ environment, the Great Concrete-Jungle".

- No, you still remember Grandpa's words - she bursts out in laughter again. - I can remember, once Kevin was angry with him and told him he didn't know what he could do here in the jungle and he responded he knew _our natural environment was the Great Concrete-Jungle_ but he hoped we could do something with ourselves here as well.

- Yeah, Kevin went sulking into a corner and it was impossible to tempt him outside.

- But finally he went out didn't he?

- Yes, can't you remember we've got lost in the forest that year as well - I wink.

- Really, then you ended up locked in your room and both of you began doing what you do now: he wrote songs and you made and edited photos.

- Yeah, at least we could entertain ourselves - I agree.

- Why, as I could have seen you also enjoyed cleaning up - she chuckles.

_No, please, don't talk about this! I don't want my memories back! Not now!_

- Hey, Lena, why did you just blush? - she waves in front of my face.

- Noting, I mean... - I mumble but the sound of the opening door interrupts me.

- Saga, please, leave Elena and me alone - Kevin says coming in. The brown stuff on his head is more like a nest than hair and I can see on his face that he hasn't had his coffee yet. But he says my name well and it means a lot for me.

- Okay, if you say so - Saga gets up and goes out while our cousin comes in.

- Take a seat anywhere you wish to - I say as I can see him hesitating for a moment. When I was alone here he didn't care about coming in but since I share my kingdom with Saga he always comes in a bit less confidently; finally he sits near me on the bed. - But don't you want to take some caffeine in before talking to me?

- It's not a bad idea - he says as he looks at me. - I just wanted to come here as soon as I woke up but now I can't really remember why.

- Never mind - I smile at him forcedly and get up as to bring him some coffee.

I can find no one in the kitchen and at least I can prepare for what he will say. That he regrets what have happened and never ever will he treat me as if I was a girl that I actually am and stuff like that. I need it like I need a pain in my ass.

- Here - I handle him the brown liquid containing much caffeine.

- Thanks... - he accepts it and drinks a gulp. Then I can see his eyes shining and he looks at me apprehensively just a moment later. - Listen, about what happened last night... - he begins but I interrupt him.

- No, I have to apologize. I simply don't know what happened to me I'm usually not like this as you know I just... - I gabble. - Bitch, we're cousins so it wouldn't have happened! - I say on a higher voice finally.

- Yes, you're right, I wanted to say the same - he replies immediately not even gazing at me.

We just sit near each other for a while and he sips his coffee silently.

- Did you dream with me as well? - he asks as to break the ice.

- Why, did you dream the same as I did? - I look at him.

- Only if you dreamt about nearly...

- Having sex - I finish. - We should end all these before it's too late.

- You're just right - he says and sits a bit closer to me.

- No I mean we should just stop touching each other, flirting with each other and even thinking of the other in _that_ dirty way. Can you understand me?

- I'm afraid I can - he says a bit mischievously. - Ah, how easier it was if we weren't cousins...

- Or if we didn't feel like how we do - I add.

- Shit, your version is more logical!

- Because it's mine - I laugh.

- And all these happened because you came in that day... - he wonders again. _Is it the morning of wondering or what? Have you realized?_

- No, all these happened because you forgot to tell me to stay outside - I dig him. - You know I hate talking to people through closed doors.

- And you know I hate people watching my naked body if they aren't my girl - he says.

- No, you again began flirting with me - I threaten him playfully. - And although we treat it now as a joke we shouldn't - I continue seriously.

- Yes, I know it can cause serious problems and jealousy is the smallest of all.

- Why, would you be jealous? - I gaze at him eyes-widened.

- Of course I would! - he winks. - You're young, pretty and sexy.

- Well I wouldn't - I say drown in my thoughts. - You're an idol and tempting girls is your work. Are there any who ended up in your bed?

- Actually there were some...

- Hey, you womanizer - I dig him again. - Is it something you want to share with me?

- ...friends of mine who were girls and slept in my bed while I was enjoying the comfort that my sofa could give me.

- You imp, first you made me pretty jealous of them - I smile at him.

- So what should we do now? - he asks. - It's obvious what we feel.

- Try to survive these two days left and I think time and distance will be enough. I personally don't take this flame serious. That's why I haven't gone totally insane.

- Don't you take it serious? - he stares at me.

- No I don't - I shrug my shoulder. - Also you shouldn't.

- Do you know what would happen if I didn't take it seriously?

Instead of responding in words I just shook my head.

- Then... yesterday... I didn't take it seriously.

- At least you're honest... - I murmur.

- It shows how different men and women are. When you don't take a man seriously you just play with him but don't give him what you don't want to. When a man doesn't take it seriously he plays with her but takes what he wants.

- Are you proud of it? - I ask disgusted.

- No, how could I be? - he asks hysterically. _It obviously became his habit._ - I nearly did something I shouldn't have done! Then I realized you couldn't be a simple one-night stand and stopped before getting what I was longing for.

- Then we should just give back the stolen kisses and finish this for forever - I say.

- What stolen kisses are you talking about?

- You know it perfectly - I answer gravely.

- Would you be satisfied if once I kissed you? - he asks stunned.

- I wish nothing else in this world - I reply my eyes shooted down. I know it's not right to love my own relative but I can't control my feelings.

- Then let's make a try - he says and looks deeply in my eyes before taking me by waist. - I love you - he not yells but whispers to me as he kisses my neck again and again. I feel heavenly in that only last moment he gives me.

_But once you give me something I want even more._


	7. Step Seven - Past Kept In Dark

After he stops kissing my neck he goes further from me but I grab at his neck and pull his head to mine. He doesn't seem to disagree either for a simple moment but lies me down on the bed and does the same as yesterday - first slides his hand under my T-shirt and caresses my side with his soft palm.

Then when he begins to undress me we can hear someone knocking on the door and we sit up near each other immediately and I also pull my tee down.

- I'm sure it's not one of your parents - Kevin whispers to me.

- Why, also I knocked - I dig him. - Come in!

- Hello, darling - Mom welcomes me; then she realizes Kevin. - Ah, hi, Kev.

- Er... hi, come in - I smile at her and the incoming Dad.

- It hurts to confess but I was wrong - Kevin whispers to me.

- So it means that I was right - I whisper back.

- No because you didn't say it would be them you just saved yourself - he says still pretty quietly but then Dad cleans his throat and every gaze falls on him.

- As I can see you have waken up - he says. Now nearly a minute-long silence comes.

- Aaand that's all you wanted to check? - I look at them a bit apprehensively but still very curiously.

- No, actually we wanted to talk with you - Mom continues. They both look very serious and I can feel as I blush. I somehow know they know about Kevin and me.

- Then just take a seat and say it - I try to stay as calm and polite as I can be but it's hard.

- We don't want to beat about the bush - my father begins as they sit onto Saga's bed and so they are in front of us - so we want to tell you clearly everything.

- We, and not just we, also the rest of the family have noticed that you act weird - Mom continues Dad's monologue. They always do this and although I know it comes totally randomly I always feel as if they have learnt a play and they just repeated it as it was a poem.

- We don't know which state you are in...

- But we think it's time to tell you something important...

- And after hearing it you can decide...

- Whether you want to continue your secret relationship or not.

_They know it. Everyone knows it. Jesus, we should have finished this before it started!_

Another long minute of silence. It starts getting annoying.

- Would you mind sharing this piece of information? - I ask shyly.

- Elena, we don't really know how to tell you... - _Oh-oh, Mom uses my full given name so it will have to be something truly serious._

- But we were thinking about this for only the last three days...

- Because we thought...

- We hoped we would never have to deal with it again.

- You said you didn't want to beat about the blush so tell me what the heck you are talking about and don't jar my nerves - I say a bit angrily.

- How dare you talk to your parents using this voice, young lady? - Dad stands up but also sits down a moment later.

- I'm sorry, Dad - I apologize my head bowed down.

- It doesn't matter now because that is the exact topic that we want to talk about now.

- Wait, aren't you my real parents or what? - I laugh confused. _No, it can't be. They couldn't adopt me. I have seen my papers and my father's name is Michael Rehn while my mother's maiden name is Loretta Mårtensson. There's no doubt._

They look at each other apprehensively before answering me:

- Exactly.

I freeze for a second. _My parents aren't my parents while in my papers I could read that. What the Hell is just happening with me?_

- Listen, we know it's not easy to accept it but... - Mom begins but yet I'm out of the room. I don't know what I am doing or is it good for me or not but my legs automatically take me somewhere I just follow them.

As soon as I get to the other side of the fence I burst out in tears and run crying until I collapse somewhere deep inside the forest. Then I just lie there near the trees and flowers that I normally would make a photo of but now I can't concentrate on the beauty of the nature that surrounds me. I've been given a shocking piece of information that should have stayed a secret for forever. _But if they lied about this - about what else did they also do?_

After a while my tear-flow gets thinner and I begin feeling cold lying on the ground in my T-shirt and short I only wear for sleeping. Difficultly I get up and lumber to the nearest tree as to lean against it because also the trunk is warmer than the earth. When I feel strong enough for going back it's yet about noon - I escaped about an hour earlier.

Getting home I must realize that no one has left to seek me, not even Kevin; but he says my parents have made him stay because they know he would get lost. I just smile when he confesses all then wipe my teardrops down from my face.

No one says anything as I step into the dining room - they don't even mention my eyes are red - and it makes me distrustful. _Who else knows about this?_

I feel embarrassed during lunch although everyone acts in the same way - except Kevin. He doesn't really know what to do now that he also knows something about me that others don't.

_Does it make me less interesting for you?_ - I ask him in a non-sent message.

_What are you talking about?_ - he replies.

_Now as it has turned out that we aren't made from the same flesh and blood I'm not a forbidden fruit even more_ - I explain.

_Well, being a forbidden fruit you were obviously more interesting in the sexual meaning of the word_ - he comments and I feel like killing him.

_We can still finish it and treat it as nothing has happened_ - I type huffily. _Yeah. If he acts so then I will do as well. Suffer!_ - I think

_I don't feel like finishing it_ - he says. _What?_

- Khm, guys, what are you doing? - Chris asks discretely.

- Ah, nothing, we just discuss about something using my phone - I grin at him as showing not to disturb us.

_So don't you want to finish? Then tell me what the Hell you wish to do!_

_First I want to know what happened to you then I can decide whether you are still interesting for me or not_ - he answers and I also get a winking emoticon.

_Fuck you_. - That's all I write and I don't wait for him responding anything but get my phone back as soon as I can see he has read my message.

- Er... - I can see the man who grew me up standing up after we finish the meal. - Could everyone please listen to me for a moment? - he asks and the room gets silent. - Lora and I want to announce something so could we all please go to the living room?

- What are they doing? - I ask Kevin hoping for some useful piece of information.

- I haven't got a clue you can believe me - he says as he stands up.

- But you were with them when I went away - I follow him.

- Yes, all we talked about was whether to go find you or just wait for you coming home - he replies. - I wanted to seek you but they said getting lost for some time was totally typical to you and talking about you I knew I had to agree.

- So you think I'm weird? - I ask directly.

- Partly but who isn't a bit weird in this family? - he asks back.

- For example my non-existing twin who acts totally normal in company - I say and both of us begin to chuckle.

My family sits down to the armchairs and sofas in the living room and Saga, Kevin and I have to sit on the rug in the middle.

Dad tries to stand as everyone can see him but he always fails so after a while he gives up on this idea and just turns to the direction of Grandma, Grandpa, Saga, Kev and I. Mom sits near me grasping my hand - also Kevin does so but no one realizes just me.

- As you all know for three years I have been living in Saint Petersburg with my family.

Everyone nods; even Saga knows about it.

- Lora conceived there and also Elena was born there. But there is a small thing yet you don't know about this, also we got to know when it was too late: on the day when Lena was born another woman gave birth to her daughter but she decided to abandon her. During the night our child died and the nurses decided to swap the dead girl with the alive because they didn't want to send a sad couple home without a little girl and also to let the other tot get into orphanage. And even though they were sure we would happily adopt the child they thought they would ease it like this.

_So that's why my papers are alright!_

Everyone including me is amazed about this story. We are sure it wouldn't have happened in Sweden and I'm waiting for Grandpa saying some words about this.

- Yet they didn't know that no one had blood type "0" in the families of the parents while the child did so. It turned out some months later when we had to take her to hospital and we wanted to ask for DNA-test because although I knew Lora would never cheat on me I wanted to be 100% sure about that she isn't even hers. Luckily the nurse that committed the crime confessed everything and we could agree beyond law - he finishes.

First I look at Mom then at Kevin. Both of them seem apprehending but Mom with that motherly anxiety and Kevin seems more worried about himself.

- Most of you know the cause why I've told you this - Dad continues his monologue. - But I think it's not my business from now on to inform you about it. If the two of them want to declare anything then come on but I personally don't force them - he finishes, now for sure.

Another silent minute visits us that is really rare in my family then Kevin looks at me in that very moment when I look at him and we stand up holding each other's hand.

- Huh, it' more odd than I have thought - he begins while scraping his nape and everyone starts to chuckle. - Ladies and gentlemen, as most of you have already realized our behavior with Lena has changed in the last week. It wasn't by chance although the causes that came one after the other were totally random but it was because slowly we began feeling like loving each other and not as I love you all. We tried to ignore our feelings, we tried to fight against them but every time we did so we ended up even more trapped by our hearts. We both know it would be a weird situation for everybody but, and sorry for saying this, nothing and no one in this family is totally normal and I feel it's just good like this.

- You want to ask for our permission now? - my uncle Tommy looks at him.

- No, I just want to announce that I love her and she loves me and let you do anything we won't give up on each other - he says and kisses me... but only on my left cheek.

- This is my son - Tommy says honestly smiling and I can see a small teardrop in his eye for a short time but the sound of clapping makes his voice more quiet. _So our family has accepted us... but what will we do with the law and the media?_

After this moving moment a smaller debate begins about the differences of law and hospitalizing between Russia and Sweden and whether to sue the hospital as to make our relationship acceptable but this only makes my head hurt so Kevin and I decide to withdraw to his room as to discuss about our state together - or whatever.

- So what do you think we should do? - I ask as the door closes behind me.

- I don't know and I also don't care because it's Dad's job to deal with this - he says; I sit to the bed near him meanwhile. - But look what Vic's husband gave me some days ago - he pulls out the drawer of his bedside table. - It's true that he said it would be useful if I wanted to enjoy the services of my fans but I think it will be even more useful now - he winks and kissing we begin to under each other.

About ten minutes later the small piece of rubber he was given get used and as soon as we become one a one-moment-long hallucination visits me and I get to know what used to be hidden in my dreams. _A small, three-year-old boy holds his pregnant mother's hand; then he holds his small sister._ _Then they play in the sand. Then he walks her to school. Later they're teenagers kissing in the toilet of the school; and on the last picture they are doing just the same as we do now. It seems falling for your own relative is a domestic tradition in my family._

An hour later we're lying near each other smiling satisfied; then he gets up, goes to the window and opens it; I just follow him.

- I love Elena Rehn more than anyone in this world! - he yells as he leans out of the window; then he takes me by waist and kisses me, but now much softer than he used to. I feel relieved in his arms knowing that nothing can separate us.

_But why do I feel like it is just the peace before a storm?_

_THIS IS THE END_


End file.
